Important Safety Bulletin
The American Medical Association has announced a new national symbol for choking.  Please inform all of the people in your safety department.

Old Symbol

New Symbol

You are probably from Minnesota if:

Yeseree–yer from Minnesota!

Ole and Sven have a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, both die, and go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them ‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, ‘Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying
yourselves?’

Sven replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve don’t git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve’ve yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather’s dis nice.’

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off.

The next morning the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering,
yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, ‘I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two?’

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, ‘Vell, don’t ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl.’

A man woke up one morning in northern Wisconsin to find a bear on his roof….
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there is an ad for “Bear Removers”…..
He calls and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes….
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull…..
“What are you going to do?” asks the homeowner…..
“I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off , the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van”….
Then he hands the shotgun to the homeowner…..
“What’s the shotgun for”, asks the homeowner…..
The bear remover said, “If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!”.